"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all you are the only one who knows how my heart sounds from the inside."
I never really put much thought into it. When I was young, we would buy mom a card. Since her birthday always falls around or on Mother's Day, we would try to convince dad to buy her expensive gifts, like a new couch. But, as I got older and moved away, I would just make sure that I called mom to say, "Happy Mother's Day" and that would be it. Now I know there is so much more to it.
It's a day to honor one of the most special relationships you can ever have. I mean, a child lives inside of their mother. It's amazing really, when you think about it. We are physically carried into this world by our mothers and if we are fortunate enough, our mother's continue to carry us through life. They are there for us when we fall as we are learning how to walk. Or when you crash your car at the end of the driveway when you are 16 and she hands you her car keys and makes you drive to school to face your fears. Or when the hardest moment in your life happens, the death of your own child before birth. She rushes to your side, knocking your husband out of the way and jumps into the hospital bed next to you. Trying to hold the little girl she still sees in you, trying to be strong, while her heart is breaking for you and for her dreams of being a grandma.
That's my relationship with my mom. I think I took it for granted all these years. But, today I want to thank her for being my mom. For carrying me into this world and through this life. I will surly miss her in a way that words can not describe when she passes some day, as I am sure she misses her own mother. But, today I am lucky to have her with me and throughout my life.
When it comes to my relationship with my own daughter, I am not as lucky. I will never have a Mother's Day with her in my arms. I will never be able to catch her as she falls while learning to walk. I will never be able to teach her how to face her fears or hold her to comfort her pain. When Nora died, a part of me died too. The part that hoped for and dreamed of being the mom I had to my own daughter. I grieve this and all the years I will never have to get to know the person she would have become.
However, something magical happened when Nora was delivered into this world. She might not have been alive but a part of me was born even though she had died. It's as if her death and delivery was my rebirth. My own mother birthed me into this world and carried me through it, but Nora transformed me. She made me into a mother and cracked me open to all the pain and suffering that is in this life. Through that suffering, and her, I have found true unconditional love. A love so deep that even death can not take it away.
It sounds corny, but I understand the quote now, "No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all you are the only one who knows how my heart sounds from the inside." I get it now. I know, what it is like to be a mother. It's a gift. It's a sacrifice. It's a wild ride. It's scary as all hell. It's full of beauty and grace. It's a mother's love. It's timeless, endless, and it defies death. It's the best love there is.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom, to my grandmother, to my mother-in-law, to me, to the moms with living children, and to the moms with children gone too soon. May peace and happiness find you on this very special of days...