Monday, October 28, 2013

Letters to Nora - Do You Want to Be a Big Sister?

 October 26th, 2013

Dear Sweet Nora,

I have something to tell you.  I'm not sure how you will take it, as you will have a new role to play. It's one of the hardest jobs there is for a little girl, trust me, I know, I am one.  Your dad and I want to tell you that you are going to be a BIG SISTER!!! What do you think of that?  I hope it makes you happy.  It makes your dad and I happy.  Well, actually we are incredibly scared, confused, terrified, excited, angry and sometimes I am indifferent to the whole idea, mostly because I'm so scared. Don't get me wrong, we want another child, but I really wanted you to know we also did and still do really want YOU!

Don't worry honey, you will always be our first child.  I remember one night after you passed when I was laying in bed next to Nick and I began to cry.  He gently asked, "Honey are you okay?" and I replied, "I was just thinking, first child will never actually get to know what it is like to be the first born.  You know, like I did."  I cried then.  I cry now as I write this.

I really wanted you and me to share that.  Share what it is like to be the oldest. You know, it's special and there is a lot of responsibility that comes with that. But hopefully, honey you can, in some way I just might not understand, some way, you can still be a big sister. I will make sure your younger brother or sister knows about you and how special you are to your dad and I.

The other night I asked your dad if he thinks the new baby will be a boy or girl, he said he doesn't care as long as the baby is alive and healthy.  Then, he paused for a moment, and as I was laying in his arms looking up at him as you probably would have if you were here, he said, "I kind of hope it's a girl.  I don't know...maybe if it were a girl...I know it sounds crazy, but would be like Nora is coming back to us in a way.  I know we can't replace her, but maybe it would feel like that."  I held him tight and gave him a hug for me but also a secret one for you because I know you would like that answer.  Your dad thinks of you all the time as do I.

Just so you know, we are 15 weeks now and with great hesitancy I plan on sharing our past experiences over these past weeks, here on Thursdays for who is interested in your story and new baby's story.  Nora, it's so scary to write about another pregnancy after losing you.

I hope Nora, that you like being a big sister.  I know at times it can be down right awful, but I think in the end you will find great joy in it, like I do.  Honey, there is one thing I want you to know, and that is you will NEVER be replaced in our hearts.

Love Always & Forever,



  1. I'm so happy for you your family! I'm terrified to have another after the loss of our Thomas, and you give me courage to add to our family.

  2. so so happy for ya'll. prayers and love coming your way.
    ~always remembering Nora~

  3. Oh Lindsay, Congratulations. I have been following you for awhile now. Like Tami said, you give me courage to keep trying. Know that there are people you don't even know that are thinking of you and Nick and Nora and this new baby. Sending you lots of love.

  4. Lindsay, I am so happy for you. I can imagine all of the feelings you all are going through, as I feel them as we think of trying again in the next several months. You were one of the first people I came across this summer as I slowly surfaced from my grief and began desperately searching for other people who knew what I was going through. I enjoy following along with your blog and Instagram. Sending lots of love to your sweet family!

  5. I'm very happy for your family! Congratulations. A quote I love about a rainbow baby - it reminds me a lot of my second daughter (my rainbow baby). I hope you like it as much as I do. :)

    "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

  6. Lindsey, what a beautiful letter to Nora - and such a brave step in your motherhood journey. You are touching and healing so many people by writing what this is really like. I hope it is healing for you, too, so that you can fully feel the joy of meeting this new little one come springtime. I suspect Nora would want that for you. We all want that for you. Sending love and light to your family of four.

  7. Lindsey I am literally bursting with the smile spread across my face for you and your family right now. Wow Nora will be a big sister. I will anxiously await each new blog post to keep up with all the happiness you so deserve.

  8. Congratulations, Lindsey--I'm so incredibly happy for you!

    I will tell you...This journey is ROUGH. I'm 32 weeks now with our Rainbow Baby, and the gamut of emotions is crazy. More than anything, I just want this part to be over. I just want to meet this little girl and know--for a fact--that everything is going to be ok with her and we get to take her home with us.

    But the happiness that she's brought us so far...Completely worth it. To have new hopes and dreams.

    I wish you nothing but the best. Sending you tons of love ♥

  9. Thank You Everyone for your kind support! Nick and I will need it these up coming months. But right now we are overwhelemed with love, which is a good feeling to have.


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