Letters to Nora - Mother's Day

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new."

~  Rajneesh

May 12^th, 2013

Mother’s Day

Dear Sweet Nora,

Good morning, little girl.  I miss you today and always.  But today is harder.  Today is Mother’s Day, a day where we celebrate all the moms in the world.  That’s me, your mom.  Did you know that you made me a mommy?!  Yeah, you did that. Cool, huh?  (We should also give your dad some credit, because he kind of helped too).

But because of you Nora, I am a Mom now.  I am still learning what that means.  I’m still trying to wrap my brain around what it’s like to be a Mom.  And now with you gone it makes it double hard, because I don’t really know what it is like to be a Mom.  I am still trying to figure out how to be a mom to you when you are dead.  It’s all very confusing.  But, it’s special too.  

It’s special because you are the first person who made me a mom and no one will ever be able to replace that.  That’s a special kind of relationship.  You changed my life, little girl.  So little, so small, and your time too short in this world.  You were in my life for 284 days.  That’s it, and you turned my whole world around and upside down. In the best way possible!  Even if it hurts sometime, I would do it all again, even if I couldn’t change it. YOU made me a MOM!  That’s pretty big stuff for such a little girl.  (I think you have super powers, Nora!  The super power of love.)

I miss you so much today though.  I didn’t picture Mother’s Day without you.  Honestly, I didn’t picture it at all.  Now it seems empty and lonely when I think of you not here today.  But I want to let you know your dad is taking good care of me.  He was able to bring out the bright spots in the day and some of that emptiness melted away.  We actually had fun.  He made me blueberry chocolate chip pancakes the size of the pan and bought me flowers.  He played music in the kitchen as he cooked and we ate in our pajamas outside on the deck.  He is so talented! He even flipped the pancakes in the pan, with no spatula!  It was amazing.  You would have laughed, we did and high-five.  Your dad makes all of this hard stuff better.

I know the rest of the day might be difficult. But, Nora, it’s only hard because I miss you and love you so much.  And because you changed me in a way I don’t think I will ever be able to be changed again. You have transformed me in ways I didn’t know possible.  Through your love you made me a better person, a different person.  You made me a Mom.  I know what that means now. I didn’t fully understand until you.  Thank you, Nora.  Thank you, for making me a Mom.  It’s the most amazing gift.

Love you and miss you more each day.

Love Always & Forever, 

Mom