About This Blog

You need an outlet for grief, I needed a place to put it.  The usual places were filling up and overflowing.  I needed to try new things, I needed to connect with life by grieving as deeply as I could in my own way through whatever outlet worked.  This world of grief was new to me, my old ways of coping and navigating were worn out and could no longer hold the weight of this all-consuming loss.  I  needed to try new things in order to express and contain my sorrow; hence, this blog and my grief project. 

In the weeks after the loss of my daughter Nora, at 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant, to an infection that caused her to be born sleeping, I started to read.  I read blogs, I read websites, all about loss and stillbirth.  I wanted to connect with other mothers who have been here, where I am, drowning in grief, and see that they made it out the other side.  That they survived.

Then, I was tired of looking only at my grief and wanted to bring joy back into my life.  I reached for books on happiness and sorrow.  I realized those opposite feelings could live inside each other.  Side by side, making my grieving both difficult and beautiful. I found the Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin along the way and had an idea one day in the bathtub as I was reading.  I should do my own grief project!

I loved how Gretchen threw herself into her happiness and after talking to my therapist, I realized that I wanted to push away the vulnerability that came with my grief.  I decided then to immerse myself in my grief, but in a way that I found productive.

As a mental health therapist, and past traveler of vicarious grief, I have always been intrigued by grief and loss and the healing process it produces.  Everyone responds to grief differently and uses different outlets for their grief.  I decided that this blog, and this project, would be an experiment on my own grief, with me as the test subject.  For the next year, in Happiness Project style, I will explore ways of healing through loss.

I will be intentional about my healing, setting goals for it, but understanding that grief has it's own timeline, so my goals for each month and the year will have to ebb and flow.  Along the way I will try traditional healing techniques for grief like therapy, support groups, and writing, along with alternative techniques, such as photography to heal, massage, and other ideas that will arise.

This is my journey through grief.  This blog is at times messy, and it contains not just the modality I use to grieve each month, or at each time, but also my natural grieving process with posts sharing my reflections of my thoughts and feelings at that moment, or the moments since, I lost my daughter on December 30th, 2012.

I look forward to you traveling this road of grief with me.   Grief is a place we all must visit in our lives, some more than others.  I hope for healing and rebirth through this journey of being intentional about my grief.

Safe travels to both you and I as we walk this road.

~Still breathing...Lindsey 

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