Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Bonds of Marriage We Have Made

Today I am going to be BOLD!  I am going to take a break from my grief and honor my husband and marriage instead. Marriage needs attention during grief.  I plan on giving mine some today.

According to the pamphlet, "Fathers Grieve, Too."  Some things to do to nurture your relationship and/or marriage after the death of your child include remembering:

  • It's Important to keep on "dating"...even now. (Nick and I are going to go for a walk around the lake this weekend where we got married to celebrate us.)
  • Talk about how you met.  Remember how you fell in love. (Online dating.  Oh, we talk about it still.  And laugh.)
  • Share what you like about each other. (I like his smile, his smell, his sense of humor, his eyes, his intelligence, oh, I could go on forever.)
  • Touch and hold each other. (We hold hands all the time still. I hope to be the one holding his hand when he or I pass away.)
I am going to be BOLD and do these things today, on our two year anniversary.

A Message to My Husband On Our Anniversary 

Dear Nicholas,

We have been married two years, honey.  I believe I have "chosen wisely" when it comes to you.  Thank you, Nicholas, for being the man I always knew you were when I met you and when I married you. 

You are truly my best friend, lover, husband, and dare I say it, Soul mate. 

I love you more and more each day and I am so proud of the beautiful little girl we created together.  Thank you for her. Thank you for us.

I love the poems we chose to share during our wedding day and I will share with you one today. 

On Marriage
 Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow.

Honey, I give my heart to you and in our love and grief we stand together but never too near.  I believe because of this we have become the pillars of the temple, and we grow like oak trees not in each other's shadow, but from each other's light.  

And from my speech at our wedding I will close again the same way I did two years ago today,

"Finally, most importantly, thank you to Nicholas, for loving me, agreeing to marry me, and to spend the rest of his life with me."

Love Always & Forever,


P.S. Happy Birthday, My Love.


  1. I hope you have had a wonderful anniversary, Lindsey. Your photos are beautiful. I'm so glad you and Nicholas have each other through this. Hugs, mama,
    -Burning Eye

  2. This is such a beautiful post and you two are such a wonderful, beautiful, special couple. We are honored to know you. Blessings on your anniversary and we wish you many more! ~Kristy and Lucas Christenson


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