Stillborn and Still Breathing: Letters to Nora

May 19^th, 2013

Dear Sweet Nora,

I miss you so much today. Did you know your dad’s birthday is on Tuesday? How I wish you could be here to celebrate it with us. He was so excited about being a dad. I think at times he was more ready to be a parent than I was, but that doesn’t mean I miss you any less, honey.

I wanted to tell you more about him today; I promised I would. I want you to know how wonderful he is. Let’s start with his handsome good looks. You got most of your sweet beauty from your father. He is so handsome. His eyes are brown with flecks of green throughout. He doesn’t believe that there is green in them, but when I gaze into his, I see the green flecks there. His eyes are magical. I wonder if you had his eyes or mine? You do have his hair though, which was a little disappointing to me. I was hoping you would be a strawberry blonde like me, but you have his fine dark locks and luckily you got his gorgeous, lush lashes. I really think you would have been a beautiful image of your father, but as a sweet girl.

My attraction to your dad’s good looks was there from the minute my eyes met his across the way at the Mall of America, where we met for the first time. I was lucky from that moment on, because I fell more deeply in love with this handsome man, not just for his great looks but for his beautiful soul. You see Nora, your dad is an amazing man. He is everything I dreamed of in a lover, partner, friend, husband, and father to my children (that’s you, honey). He is curious and intelligent, teaching me new things every day, as well as being motivated in his career and driven to succeed. He believes in service to others, as do I, and has risked his life in the name of our country while serving in the Navy overseas. There is so much courage in that. He is sweet and tender, not only with me doing little things to remind me of his love for me, but with your doggy brother G-man, who he dotes on as I know he would have on you. He is a loving husband, dependable best friend, and nurturing dad.

Oh, Nora, how I wish you and him could have met each other. I remember the nights when he would place his hands on my belly and feel you move. Sometimes he would lay his head on my bulging tummy and you would kick back more so than before. It’s as if you knew he was there. Excited to play with him, to meet him, and tease him as I know you would have if you met outside of the womb.

He misses you Nora, with his whole heart. I should really say that he has a hole in his heart now from missing you so. I know I have two holes in mine, one from missing you, and one for your dad that he never got the chance to hold you, know you, or carry you in this life as I did. Nora, I wish you would have got to meet him because he would have been the best dad in the world.

He is my husband, your father, and both of our heros.