Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Week 36 - Waiting

We are now just waiting.  Waiting for Zoe to come greet the world this Thursday ALIVE and HEALTHY!  Oh how we hope this happens.  Here is my last post for Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine as their Knocked Up Blogger before we hopefully have a beautiful birth story to share with you. Click here to read about our wait in the last few days.

The hospital bag is packed, frozen meals are made, all doctors’ appointments have been attended, and the nursery is as complete as it will be until baby arrives. There is nothing left to do but wait.
And the “waiting place” is one of the most useless places, according to the great philosopher Dr. Seuss:
“You see in this place,
you can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.” (From Oh, the Places You’ll Go!)
Or in our case, we are now just waiting for a baby.
Nick and I have been in this ‘waiting place’ once before. I didn’t like it then, when I was expecting a healthy baby to bring home but didn’t, and I really despise this place now because every moment I wait, I get more nervous, more anxious, and more fearful about making it to this Thursday at 9:30 a.m.
The day of great expectations and high hopes to be filled.
The day of redemption.
The day of hopeful healing and new life to bloom forth into this world.
The day we all lovingly refer to as the birthday.
Oh God, how I pray there is birth that results in life this time.
This day, delivery day, birthday, whatever you want to call it. THIS day Nick and I have been waiting for for over two years.
I hope it’s as I envision. A day filled with tears of joy instead of grief, screams of new life instead of cries of sorrow, and love taking shape in the form of a new family created with a wiggly baby nestled in her mother’s arms, as a giggly father gleefully smiles while looking at his beautiful family. That is what I envision. That is what I hope for.
But as I write this I have three sleeps before my vision hopefully becomes my reality. So what to do while I’m in this waiting place. What to do?
Well, as Nick and I have unfortunately been stopped in the waiting place since last Friday, we have filled our days with a few activities so that the last few days before birth don’t seem like Dr. Seuss’s mundane ‘waiting place’.
The day date: Nick and I took last Friday off and played hooky! We had a date day in the middle of the week. It was so fun and gave us something to look forward to all last week. We went to the local conservatory, visited a book store, had breakfast and lunch out at some of our favorite places and then spent the evening watching a movie marathon. It was wonderful and it helped me forget about waiting for baby to come and focus on my fantastic husband that helped me create the baby we are expecting this week.
Cleaning time: Maybe it’s not for everyone, but cleaning soothes my soul. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when I complete it and while I’m in the act of dusting of the shelves it seems to also clear the clutter from my mind. I cleaned the whole house on Saturday and the time passed quickly and with a sense of fulfillment at the end with the bonus of being ready for baby too.
Scheduled fun: My responsibilities have gotten lighter as the days approach before baby’s birth. So to fill in some time I have scheduled something enjoyable each day to look forward too. On Saturday I scheduled and finally got that massage I was talking about, Sunday I went shopping, Monday I finished things at work and said goodbye, and Tuesday I plan on hanging out with my sister and going out to lunch. Filling my time with fun has helped me stay in the present moment and not worry too much about D-day or feeling drained from being in the ‘waiting place’ before we get there.
That’s been what has kept me sane and helps me stay away from the fear. Allowing me to instead focusing on my heart filled with hope during the long but few days in the ‘waiting place’ before the planned birth of baby No. 2.
If you have followed our journey, be so kind to send positive thoughts our way this Thursday as we try to make it through the ‘waiting place’ and into the place of birth and joy we so much have been hoping for. I wish to bring you good news in the weeks to come.


  1. I am anxiously waiting for a post "She's here!!! And she is wiggling and crying and making noise!"... I did a small prayer just now and wished you happiness and HEALING... The same healing I have been seeking for the past 7 months... While I wait and hope for a new pregnancy after losing my little girl at 38 weeks I wish you only happiness and healing with Zoe...and may Nora be every step of the way enjoying this with you. Seeing your happiness and being happy for you. Oh how I wish for this too!!! And I can only imagine your bliss and happiness...and fulfillment and contentment. I really hope that has all happened today. May God bless you, Nick, Zoe and Nora. I'm smiling at the thought! Viviana

  2. I am also anxiously waiting too!!! My son passed away at 33 weeks on 02/28/14 I have been following this site from then. You are and inspiration. I wish i could steal Viviana's post she really said it perfectly.

  3. Hi Viviana and Kellio - I too was waiting anxiously, following this blog after losing a nephew...but noticed the instagram feed on the right hand column of the homepage ( It looks like Zoe is well and went home on Sunday. xxx

  4. I recently lost my little baby girl, June, and I came across your site looking for some books to help me. She was due on May 9th, two days before Mother's day. I can't tell you how happy I am for you that your little Zoe arrived healthy. It gives me hope that we can bring a baby home with us too. Thank you for your honesty and openness on this site. It has helped me feel that I am not alone. Congratulations on your little Zoe!

  5. My precious grandson Sam was born asleep on Mach 26th 2014. My daughter Kate is amazing. We have grieved together, talk a million times a day and look toward the future together. SIL Donovan has been a rock for her. No one can even imagine the grief at losing a baby unless you have been there. Like you Kate had a wonderful and healthy pregnancy. Sam was born at 38 weeks with a large blood clot in his cord. Life will go on. As soon as they can they will try again. But Sam will live in our hearts forever. He was gorgeous. 11lbs 13oz. Kate was not diabetic. she is 6ft 2in and he was expected to be large. All my kids were 10 lbs or more. Please post soon about you new littleone. You are in my prayers.


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