The Fairy-Tale Magic of Love and Loss

In life, I have learned, that it is the people you laugh with, cry with, and love that are what makes life amazing.  The friends that make me smile and the family members that I lean on in a time of need are what make life enjoyable and bearable.  But, there is always one person, one person who can make everything else in the world fade away. They make the sunshine, the stars sparkle, and the earth move.  When you are with them you feel like you are flying, you’re so far off the ground you lose touch with reality and that is where you want to stay.  You can look into their eyes and see your whole world. 

 Eye Art by Svenja Jödicke

This person for me is Nick, my husband.  I knew the minute I met him something magical was to begin.  I walked up to him on our first date, not having met in person yet, and he turned to meet my eyes and his face glowed and his smile grew.  In that moment he gave it away.   I knew he was hooked!  But, it took me a minute or two to realize that I was the one who was falling head over heels in love.

Since that day, five years ago, Nick has brought magic into my life.  No, he is not a real magician; he doesn’t even know how to shuffle a deck of cards.  But, his magic is a deeper kind.   His enchantment is filled with love.  

That is why I die a little inside every day, knowing that I was not able to bring the magical creature made from our love into this world.  I miss her, yes, but I miss all the magic of love she created.  I wanted to revel in her magical essence in my arms, not only in my heart. I wanted Nick and me to be able to do this for the rest of our lives together. We eagerly anticipated doing so, hoping to watch her grow out of the love that Nick and I share for each other. Our love, it’s a fairy-tale love that deserves a happy ending.  

 "Pure Love" Artwork by Mila at Fairy Drop Studio's on Etsy

We didn’t get it.   That didn’t happen.

At times, I feel as if I am the cursed one in this fairy-tale and by loving me, maybe my husband is cursed too.  My womb is the killer in this story.  He is the victim, along with my beautiful daughter.  My body is the evil witch. 

 

I guess what I am saying is that I so hoped that I could be the fairy-tale princess that lives a charmed life with her handsome prince and her child in her arms when (THE END) flashes on the screen. (It’s curious when I think about it, why do they always end the story there?) Oh, because sh** gets messy!  Even charmed lives have moments of being unlucky.   

 Art by Paper Wings Production

But, who is to say that the story is really over.  Our marriage isn’t.  Our love is still magical and even more beautiful than before.  Maybe we are in the middle of our story.  Maybe Nick and I will slay the evil dragon, or kill that bitch of a witch, with the power of our true love. Because I still see the whole world in Nick’s eyes.  The possibility.  The love.  I know that Nick really doesn’t have magical powers that make the sun shine, the stars sparkle, and the earth move.  But his love sure does feel like magic. 

I hope ourfairy-tale ends more like the nursery rhyme, The Old Woman Who Lives in the Shoe.  With a revised ending of course, Nick would be there too.  We will have so many children we don’t know what to do, and our shoe is going to be the a primo expensive shoe, Manolo Blahnik’s $14,000 stiletto boot, baby!   

  

Picture from Forbes.com