Sunday, May 5, 2013

Sunday at Grandma's: An Uncle Update

With my family, Sunday's usually meant going to church.  We would get up early, dress to the relative nines, and head down the street to 8am worship.  I always enjoyed my time, but sometimes felt out of place.  I could tell that nearly everyone around me was a believer and they all seemed really happy.

Personally, I still do not know exactly what I believe in.  But if going to church taught me anything, it showed me how important it is to foster a sense of community.  Old or young.  Female or male.  All types of people were there.  And in my eyes, that is what really mattered.  I would bet anything that if you asked both my parents about their spiritual beliefs, they would waver.  But they took us to make friends and meet new people.  It was rarely about the religious aspects and always a focus on being a family.

As we were sitting in the the hospital, I kept wondering, "How do folks who believe 100% in a God or religion deal with this?"  Everyone is allowed to have their beliefs and those principles help them cope with events in their life.  I think it works for them because it gives them a set of principles to blame.  It's only human to try and explain a situation and place blame.  That's how we gain closure.

But with Nora, I don't want to have closure.  To me, closure means that it is over, and I don't want that for her. Everything resulting in her death was completely random.  It wasn't caused by any physical person or pre-determined by any spiritual entity.  It just happened.

I know that is not a great explanation and won't bring comfort to everyone, but for me, it's enough.  I know that Nora's spirit is around us all the time.  And the feeling I get when thinking about her and what she has done for our family, is a feeling I never want to go away. 

Uncle Zach

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