Thursday, April 11, 2013

Why Do I Cry?

Today's post comes from Nora's Awesome Aunt Kristi.

Why Do I Cry?

Why Do I Cry?

I cry for the moments that will never be.  
I cry for the birthdays never celebrated.
For the candles that will never be blown out, 
the presents forever unopened.

I cry for the months spent in anticipation.
I cry for the split second that our lives changed.
For the hours spent at the hospital,
Excitedly waiting to meet a baby we knew was already gone,
But still wanted to hold and kiss and show our love to her.

I cry for her four wonderful grandparents.
Grandparents that never get to spoil her and praise her for all her specialness.
Who won't get to watch their son or daughter grow as they watch them raise their first granddaughter.
Vicariously parenting for a second time,
Except with the perk of being Gramma or Grampa.

I cry for the cousins that she will never meet.
For the cousins that don't get to share in the friendship of cousins,
Who are often the first friends we have in this life.

I cry for never getting to be her aunt in the normal sense.
For play dates and shopping trips, dance recitals,
For the family pictures that will forever have an empty spot,
A ghostly hole where a pretty little girl should be,
Where year after year we should see her grow, 
Becoming the person she was meant to be.

But mostly I cry for her parents.
For my sister and brother that will never get to bring their little girl home.
For the empty crib and unworn baby clothes.
For the memories they wanted to make in their home.
For the crying and the diaper changing and sleepless nights
That they looked forward to, as new parents do.

Now their nights are sleepless, but for a different reason.
Now they hear crying, but not from the sound of their sweet baby.
I cry for the emptiness that now deafens their home.

I cry for the girl and woman we will never get to know.
For the years that go by, a growing, cute little girl
Who turns into a gorgeous, confident woman.

I cry for everything that should have been
But never will be.

-Awesome Aunt Kristi


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