Nora's Day...Our Story


My daughter, Nora, was delivered into this world, dead at 40 weeks and 4 days after a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy.  She was stillborn due to an infection that was from the normal bacteria in my body, that my immune system could not fight off or protect her from.  Her delivery story is below.  (I don't call it her birth story because she did not have the chance to be born awake into this world.)


Nora's Day

She was dead, stillborn, but I was still proud...I knew my daughter was going to be born dead.  But, not at first.  When my husband and I arrived at the hospital, 40 weeks and 4 days overdue, we were excited about finally meeting our little, baby girl.  It was 3 a.m. and I sat on the bed as the nurse put the fetal monitor on me to prepare for the long journey of labor.  The fetal monitor couldn’t detect a heartbeat, which was usually so easy for the doctors to find with the Doppler wand.  Nora was a strong baby, a kicker, and her heart beat was pulsating from 12 weeks.   


When the nurse couldn’t find her heartbeat, I got scared.  “Is everything okay?  Everything will be okay.  Nothing is going to happen to MY baby, not us.  I just worry too much.  It must be the fact that I’m having contractions that they can’t find a heartbeat. The doctor will know what to do.”  All these thoughts went through my head.  

Then the doctor came in with the nurse who rolled the ultrasound machine in behind him.  I could feel that this was not going to be good.  The look on the nurse’s face was that of terror, which caused fear in my heart.  The doctor placed the ultrasound goo on my stomach and placed the wand on top of my large belly.  Then she was on the screen, like she had been so many times before.  But, wait, she wasn’t moving.  The place where her heart should have been fluttering was still.  Her image on the ultra sound looked like a portrait.  No movement.  The doctor kept searching, and stared at the ultrasound, for what seemed like hours.  I knew.  She was dead.  I knew. 

I had a contraction then, and in my mind I said to myself, “Just say it!  Just say it!  She’s dead.  My baby is dead.”  As, this realization played over and over in my head, it was interrupted by the turn of the doctor’s head and a simple, “I’m sorry.  Nothing.”

That is when, as a therapist, I could read the shock and denial all over my husband’s face and with his response, “What?!  Are you sure?  Is there anything we can do?”  The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, she is gone.”
Nick burst into tears.   I watched him as if life was passing in slow motion.  The memory of this moment is forever engraved in my heart of my husband as he was told his child had died, before she ever entered the world.  His feeling of elation, excitement, and pride that he had 30 seconds ago as a father-to-be ready to meet his daughter on her day of delivery, had vanished with the words, “I’m sorry."

Even with life moving in slow motion, I still had my wits about me.  I reached for Nick and pulled his head into my chest and close to my belly where my daughter now lay dead, with the nurse and doctor staring silently at us.  I asked them politely to leave and they did.  Nick and I wept.  I said I was sorry.  Nick cried.  My worst nightmare had come true.
   
The doctor came back in a few minutes later and I asked, “What do we do now?”  He said, “We deliver the baby.”  I asked for a C-section.  The doctor said no, that it wasn’t in my best interest.  I was shocked, angry, and at a loss.  I thought to myself that this is unfair.  I don’t want to deliver her; I don’t want to be awake for this.  I don’t want to go through this emotional pain. Who cares about the physical pain, just rip her out of me. You already told me my baby is dead, why do I have to suffer the emotional and physical pain of delivering her.  Do something!!! Be useful, I was thinking.  You couldn’t save my baby, but maybe you could save me some pain and suffering.
  
That was not the case.  I would then spend the next 12 hours in labor.  The nurse asked me after the doctor left, “What is your birth plan?”  She was well-meaning and kind, but I thought to myself, “Are you nuts, lady?  There is not going to be a birth.  Just the delivery of a dead baby.”  I replied out loud with a flat, “I don’t want to feel anything.”  They gave me an epidural and the next 12 hours were the longest of my life.

I had wonderful nurses who helped me through the delivery process.  The doctors made me labor down, which was basically waiting for my body to decide when and how it would proceed with labor.  I wasn’t keen on this plan. I didn’t want to wait. I was so done.  I wanted her out.  To make matters worse I had a fever that kept rising.  It was 102.9 for hours, even with them giving me antibiotics.  I would start to shake from the infection that we learned had caused her death.
I started to worry about me.  “Was I going to die too?”  I looked over at Nick and I could tell he, too, was concerned with this question that I had not utter out loud.  He kept trying to tell me it would be okay.  I told him not to say that.  He had said that when we were waiting to hear Nora’s heartbeat, and everything was not okay.  He seemed to understand my request, and never did utter those words again that day.  Come to think of it, I’m not sure if he has since.
  
The emotions that had accumulated in Nick’s body over the death of his daughter, and then the idea of possibly losing me, caused him to rush to the bathroom to vomit four times.  I could hear him throwing up as I lay helpless in my hospital bed shaking uncontrollably from fever.  My heart was aching for Nick, for Nora, for me.  I didn’t want to die, even though a part of me just had.  I needed to live, if only to save my poor husband from suffering another loss.  He had just lost his daughter; I was not going to let him lose me.
   
My new doctor came in and I bombarded her with questions about my health.  I finally asked pointblank, “Am I going to be okay?”  She reassured me that I would be fine, unlike the previous doctor.  I also believed her, because she didn’t come by too often or make a fuss over me.  I knew in the world of medicine, the less you actually see the doctor, the better.  After hearing this news and while waiting for the contractions to get closer, Nick passed-out on the pull out chair next to me.  He couldn’t take the emotions any longer.  He needed a break. He needed to sleep.

Later, when he woke, I would ask him if he needed to get something to eat, go get coffee, or talk with our family that was waiting in the room next door.  He wouldn’t do it.  He politely refused to leave my side, no matter how much he needed to eat or get a cup of caffeine.  In my deepest, darkest, moment of despair, I felt so much love for this man and with his quiet actions of protection of me in that delivery room, I knew he felt it for me too.

The time finally came when I was to give birth to Nora.  The doctor came in and the two nurses, Jen and Rosie were holding my legs, while my husband was by my side holding my hand.  It was time to push.  It was time for this nightmare to be over.  Or was it time for my nightmare to truly begin?

I pushed and pushed, but Nora would not come out.  The epidural was wearing off and we needed to speed up the process.  She was dead, so she could not “help” they said.  The doctor used a vacuum to assist.  It didn’t work the first time, or the second, or the tenth time.  I lost track how many times the doctor tried to vacuum her out as I pushed through a contraction, and the suction cup of the vacuum would pop off and blood would spatter everywhere.  It was horrifying. 

And then it happened.  She was delivered.  There was no sound.  No crying, screaming, or movement.  But she was here, all 8lbs and 5oz of her.  They laid her on my chest.  Again, another moment when time stood still.  She was beautiful.  She had dark brown hair, long lush eye lashes, soft chubby checks, a small button nose, and big luscious lips.  Oh, how I loved her lips.  She was perfect.  She felt perfect as I held her on my chest and in my arms, and in that moment, I was proud.  I had that indescribable feeling every mother talks about when their baby is born.  It was the worst and best moment of my life.  I had gotten to meet my child.  The child that I had so lovingly cared for and we had prepared for these last 9 months. She was breathtaking. That moment was breathtaking, not just for my joy and unconditional love I felt for her, but also for knowing that this moment was all I would have with her.  For that tiny millisecond I had forgotten the horrifying truth and lived in that moment of happiness of seeing my daughter for the first, and what would be my last, time.  It was unbelievably breathtaking.
     
She was born dead.  Stillborn.  But I was still proud. 

48 comments:

  1. I feel beyond priveleged to read this. I am amazed by your strength. I am so sorry that this happened. There is no understanding it. I see things everyday that do not make sense and i have to continue to tell myself that there really is no understanding it. If i did not do this i would go nuts by all the cruel things I see. I pray for you and your family that your hearts remain full of love and you heal (on moment at a time). Thinking of you Lindsey
    ~Kelly Schmitz

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  2. Lindsey:

    Just wanting to let you know that Steve and I are constantly thinking of you and Nick. Thank you for sharing your story. I am checking in on your grief journey through your blog. My heart hurts for you both, however I know that this blog will help others and help you as well. I plan to keep reading. Thank you!

    Lori and Steve

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  3. Dear Lindsey,
    I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you and your husband are going through. My daughter gave birth to a stillborn baby boy 7th September 2012. She also had a good pregnancy and a healthy and active baby, until the 5th of September when she couldn't feel him move. Two days she had to wait for him to be born, mainly because the doctors in her local hospital wanted to have the time to get a good team together, people who would help her and her husband through the birth. After a long day of labor and waiting my daughter and son-in-law were making plans for a funeral :-(. When Jordan was born the grandparents and family went to the hospital to meet Jordan, to hold him, to admire him and to grieve together. Jordan has a 2 year old big sister who looked at him, stroked him, showed him toys and loved him. My daughter was so amazingly strong in those days, organized everything together with her husband, decorated his coffin with stickers with their daughter, carried his coffin to the service and to his grave. My granddaughter sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at the service, it was all so beautiful and heartbreaking but I know now that going through pain and emotion helps with healing. After Jordan's funeral I knew I had to do something for Jordan, that a baby that had lived for 9 months under my daughters heart could not be forgotton. Like you, I spent hours (mostly at night) on the internet looking for answers, reading blogs, getting in contact with other (grand)parents and I put all the information in a Facebook group to share with family and friends, and people I met through internet. With that information I have made 2 websites, one in Dutch and English (I live in the Netherlands, but come from Australia)... and one in English, which is the same name as the Facebook group. There is very little information that I can find on Dutch sites that give support and information about Stillbirth, so it is my mission to try and get awareness and get it talked about. I have been asked to write a blog on a site for Mama's where only once did I find a blog from a mother who had lost a baby at birth. Maybe this way I will come in contact with parents and grandparents and I would love to get the international candle lighting days recognized here. Maybe my mission will not succeed as I have hoped, but I am also doing this for my daughter, I am her advocate, I want her to know and see how much we love her and Jordan. She is still so strong, although she has to take a step back every now and then, and she is telling other people to learn from Jordan... to know that you have to be happy with the small things in life and that you have to be prepared that not everything in life goes as planned. Thank you for taking the time to write your story and to share, and thank you for giving me space on your site to write my (never ending) story. I will put a link to your blog on my sites. Wishing you and your husband strength in your life without Nora.

    Pamela (aka Super Nana)

    the site with background information about Jordan and why... www.erwaseens.org
    the english site with information (in progress)
    www.once-upon-a-time.nl

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    1. Hi Pamela,

      Thank you for sharing your story. Just so you know, this Sunday I will be starting to post my mother's, Nora's Grandmothers stories about her grief journey. Every Sunday I highlight a family members journey through grief from stillbirth, because like you know as a Grandma, they all hurt too and have their own grief journey to explore,

      I went to your site and I think what you are doing is lovely. I plan on following your blog and thank you so much for listing mine. I hope it can help people along the way. Could you tell me what the Facebook Group is called that you are a part of, I would love to like it on Facebook and share it with my mom.

      One final word, Jordan's funeral sounded like it was absolutely beautiful. He is lucky to have such a loving family. Oh, and the Netherlands is lovely, I traveled there for 3 weeks in college.

      Keep in touch,

      Lindsey

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  4. Hi Lindsey,

    I just found your blog on the sisterhood list on Small Bird Studios..I am so sorry about you and your husband's loss. We lost our son in October and it has been the most difficult time of our lives. It takes a lot of strength to share your story but I am glad you did. It always makes me feel better to know I am not alone in all this.

    Thank you again for sharing and know that there is someone out there thinking about you and your daughter Nora.

    Tasha - chachamoore.blogspot.com

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  5. Hi Tasha,

    Thank you for your kind words. I am also sorry about the death of your son at 19 weeks. I checked out your blog as well. I liked it and am going to list it in my bloglist. Feel free to share mine with your readers as well, as I am trying to connect to more people through my blog for support.

    Keep in touch and I will be following your blog.

    Peace,

    Lindsey

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  6. With tears steaming down my face, thank you for writing your delivery story. There are no words for that moment when your child is placed in your arms, dead or alive.

    Our daughter Ruthie Lou was born 8/9/11 and was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. We were never able to bring her home. After over a week in the NICU, we learned she had a chromosomal disorder that left her "incompatible with life" and after speding every waking second with her & loving her as much as we possibly could, she passed away at 33 days in our arms.

    So many parts of this entry struck me to my core, eeading your story felt like reliving mine; hearing the drs tell us she would die, watching my husbands reaction as time and the world stopped, holding my daughter after she had died and still being so proud of her.

    Thank you for posting this for the world to see. I have spent the last year and a half living in the blessings and lessons of my daughter while also aching to see her again. I have written hundreds of pages in my journals and some online as well, just trying to make sense of it all in the hopes of someday being able to help someone else with their grief and how to survive the tragedy of losing your child yet living and loving life again.

    Ruthie Lou's journey was chronicled from the time we were admitted to the nicu without knowing her prognosis, until her death here:
    Www. caringbridge.org/visit/ruthieloulands

    We have since given birth and are raising her rainbow baby brother born a year after her life and death and I have written some here:
    Www.amielands.blogspot.com

    Thank you for this project, it's a beautiful gift to those of us privileged to read it.

    All my best,
    Amie

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    1. Amie,

      Thank you so much for your comment, I don't think you know how much it means to me to meet Mommies like you who have walked the path I have and have been able to have a rainbow baby and still honor their deceased child. Both of your children are beautiful as I have visited your websites to see. Your words are inspiring as well.

      Peace,

      Lindsey

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  7. Lindsey,

    I am so sorry for the loss of Nora. My husband and I lost our son Peter 2 days after he was born at 24 weeks. I had preeclampsia and I almost didn't make it. He died on February 13, 2013. I really like your blog and the white sign blog. I'll be following you and here's my blog: tearsforpeter.blogspot.com.

    Take care,
    Lauren

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    1. Lauren,

      I am sorry I did not reply sooner, I just noticed your post. I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss of Peter, my heart breaks for you. I have read your blog and specifically liked your touching story about Peter. I will be following your blog as well. Take care and I am sending thoughts and hugs your way.

      P.S. Your husband has a wonderful name.

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  8. The doctor came back in a few minutes later and I asked, “What do we do now?” He said, “We deliver the baby.” I asked for a C-section. The doctor said no, that it wasn’t in my best interest. I was shocked, angry, and at a loss. I thought to myself that this is unfair. I don’t want to deliver her; I don’t want to be awake for this. I don’t want to go through this emotional pain. Who cares about the physical pain, just rip her out of me. You already told me my baby is dead, why do I have to suffer the emotional and physical pain of delivering her. Do something!!! Be useful, I was thinking. You couldn’t save my baby, but maybe you could save me some pain and suffering.

    This is exactly what I thought when they told me our daughter didn't have a heartbeat! I don't understand to this day why they let me go through four days of emotional pain and suffering.

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    1. Oh that is awful that they made you go through labor for four days! You are a strong woman. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

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  9. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I have no words to express how I wish you didn't have to experience this. The power of this post blew me away and had me in tears. The pain I could feel while reading, I wish I could have taken it from you..you never deserved to go through this.
    My wish for you is that every day you are able to put one foot in front of the other...to be one step closer to finding peace. I have no doubt that sweet little Nora will always be on your mind, but I hope you take comfort in the thought that she is forever with you...forever watching her Mother honor her life.

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    1. This is so beautiful. Thank you Ashley. You really touched my heart with this. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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  10. Lindsey and Nick,

    I just wanted to let you know I read your blog and am amazed at your courage and ability to share your grief, knowing it will help others.

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    1. Hi Jesse,

      I got your message the other day and told Nick. We are both very honored that you read about our journey. Stay in touch. Oh, and I passed your info along to my sis. You should be getting a call by the end of the year.

      Lindsey

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  11. Hi Lindsey, I just wanted to say thank you for putting into words what you went through. My husband and I went through almost exactly the same thing. We were at 42wks, 4 days and I woke up from a nightmare that something was wrong with the baby. A few hours later I went into active labor only to find out our darling daughter was to be born an angel. I asked for a C-section, then I wanted all my feelings taken away when I found out that wasnt an option. Word for word, what went through your head went thru mine. My all natural birth plan went right out the window. I was sick with an infection, he just had his dreams of becoming a father destroyed. It still took us almost 30 hours to have her. She was 9lbs, 22 1/2 inches long. A tall girl with very long hair that I could have put cute bows in. With all the heartburn I had it was relief seeing that those old wives tales were true. We also had a difficult delivery. Her shoulders were wedged into my pelvis and the doctor was trying and trying. He eventually shook his head with concern and stepped back. My husband had all sorts of gruesome images hop into his head about what they would do. Our midwife who stood by our side through the whole pregnancy and stayed in the hospital with us through all of this stepped up and got her shoulders to slip past. Because of all the tugging on our precious daughter, she came out fairly skinned up. All we saw was our beautiful daughter. The photographers we were promised was to come, we were told refused to take pictures. I regret not taking more from our camera. It sat in the back while we cried our eyes out over our loss. We took turns holding her, wrapped her up in one of the receiving blankets we brought, and put a little cap on her head and we held her tight. There is nothing quite like leaving the hospital, hearing babies cry in the next room as you make your way down the hall empty handed headed towards a car that was all prepared to take a baby home. My arms never felt so empty. I want you to know you are not alone at all. I stand right there beside you. I wish you the very best as you try again, I hope my husband and I can get to that point soon.

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    1. I understand this lull and emptiness which looms around when i left the hospital after my still born. The baby bag also gets still , even it's sight is scary and reminds of the terrible loss.
      We'll come out of it. Trust yourself and stay strong.

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  12. Hi Lindsey, thank you for sharing your sweet Nora's story. My beautiful daughter Evangeline was stillborn on May 7 at 37 weeks gestation. Although I hate that anyone knows this type of pain, it is helpful to know that others may understand what my husband and I are going through.

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    1. Robyn,

      I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Evangeline. Stillbirth is devastating. Sending hugs your way.

      Peace,

      Lindsey

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  13. Hi Lindsey,
    I had been to hospital on the Friday every thing was fine I was being induced on the Monday. Saturday I felt less movement so went to get checked, the attached the monitor and couldn't find a heartbeat, scanned me and like you they confirmed our worst fears. Our son Nathaniel was born til the Tuesday again I wasn't allowed a c-section. When our son was born I was so drugged up I don't remember anything. Then the placenta was stuck and I was rushed into theatre, my husband left holding our sleeping angel, not sure I was going to be alright. By that evening I was in intensive care and it seems I had a placenta abruption, it was touch and go whether I would pull through. He believe he would be burying 2 of us. I came out of the coma after a couple of days, I am still recovering but am now home. The funeral was something no parent should have to go through. I find talking helps me and supporting my loving family. I wish the day for a rainbow to happen, but will never forgot the loss of our sleeping angel Nathaniel. The detail of Nora's story reminds me of the same emotions I felt at the time we were told our loss.

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet Nora. We too lost our baby girl, Grace, at 30 weeks on April 26th. It's exactly as you described - that moment she was laid on my chest was both the best and worst moment. Much love to you.

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  15. Was the infection Group B Strep?

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  16. Hi

    Im so sorry for your lost. I live in sweden and i was just on google searching on this, because it just happened to us. Our baby boy died in week 40, i heard his heart at the hospital in week 39+1 and in week 39+3 when i went in again they couldn't find a heartbeat. Im so sorry for you and your family, i feel your pain. Anna

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    1. Hi

      Feeling so sorry for you. Keep courage. God is on his way to construct something more beautiful.

      Love

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  17. I lost my daughter last Tuesday, and I am up late googling various combinations of "stillborn" and "cause" as if Google can help me.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Of course every person's experience is different, but I was shocked by the similarities in our stories: the demand for a c-section that was met with a cold "that's not best for you," the zero pain birth plan, the shaking, and the pride at the birth of my daughter, even though she was dead. It is comforting to know I am not alone, that I'm not the only person on earth who has gone through this.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  18. Thank you very much for sharing your story. I'm very sorry for your loss. My wife and I lost our first son. It's a terrible thing to go through, though we can find joy in the fact that we will one day be reunited with them. Please feel free to visit my blog at: http://www.daddylifestyle.com/2013/10/sending-off-balloons-for-our-son.html

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  19. Thank you for sharing your story. I am in tears as I'm reading it because it is so similar to mine. It feels good to know there are other mommies without babies out here, then I don't feel so alone. We hope someday that our darling Anja will be a big sister. It was such an amazing feeling to deliver her. I didn't know it was even possible to fall in love so quickly.

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  20. Sometimes i feel glad on reading all about Still Born incidents as i had never heard about it before it ocurred as a DOOM to me and my husband . We lost a baby boy on 12.08.13 after a very health and normal pregnancy of 38 weeks. THIS SHATTERED US and piece by piece we have made us together.I went into labour on 11.8.13 night , was so excited on the thought of finally having my baby. On reaching the emergency section in hospital , i was rushed to the labour room. The heart beat of my baby had dipped to 60 as per the gynae. They called my consulting gynae and shifted be to OT for a quick C Sec. BUT in OT my gynae was unable to find the baby's heartbeat. They all got away from me. I was crying in pain and asked the gynae to do C Sec and relieve me not aware that the baby had passed away. She told I'll deliver in a couple of mins as cervix had opened considerably . She pierced the water bag , it was all greeen. I pushed the baby cam out like a hot ball and i was free of pain not aware of the emotional agony which was on it's way. The baby didn't cried, Doctor was mum. I asked in a trembling voice " Is the baby fine" Reply " No" I asked " Is the baby alive" Reply " No" I said" Do something,revive him" Reply "is that possible" . I went Blank , mind stopped , silent tears rolled down by eyes as i lay looking at my face's reflection on the ceiling light. While the stitches were on , i spoke to by husband waiting outside. We both were aghast at the suffering that came to us. On being shifted to the room , my husband got our baby boy wrapped in a Blue sheet , kept in a tray. I took him in my lap and brought him close to my chest and said " SORRY" to the little angel for unable to have him in this world. He had passed meconium and the poison spread to his lungs , i was unable to figure this out and maybe got slightly late for medical help. He was a beautiful baby with a well sculpted face and long black hair. Looked as if he was sleeping.We cried and cried and cried. Didn't knew what has to be done with a little baby's body (burned , bury or pass in flowing river). That day was the longest day of my life . Relatives and friends started pouring in. My mother and one of my very closest friends were by my side for all the emotional support i needed.

    Your story reminds me of the turbulent day when in a fraction of second everything changed. The fight is on till day and will always be on as this memory i think would never leave me. May all Still Born babies R.I.P and the almighty gives us courage and positivity to handle this. Hoping that my elder daughter would have a younger brother soon and wishing u too to get what you desire.

    Love and Peace

    K B



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  21. We lost our precious little boy Logan on the 21st December at 37 weeks. I hadn't felt any movement on Friday and I went into hospital just for piece of mind.
    I remember I told my husband when he asked if I wanted him to come, that I would only be gone for about half an hour. I didn't get home until the next night, they wouldn't let me leave because my blood pressure was very high and it was dangerous for me to carry Logan any longer. They started the inducing drugs at 10pm Friday night and I had Logan at 1pm the next day.
    I remember asking for a C section as well, and of course I was refused. Better for my health they said, when all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and forget the rest of the world.
    The moment they put Logan onto my stomach, I was too scared to look, but when I did I felt the exact same surge of pride and love that I had with our oldest son. Logan looks just like his big brother did, lots of hair and a pointy little chin. He had big feet and hands, just like his Daddy.
    I could not have made it through Logan's birth or the days since without the support of my husband, my sister and my family.
    I wish that blogs like this didn't exist, I wish that there was no need for parents to EVER have to Google the words Stillbirth & miscarriage.
    I want to thank you for sharing the story of Nora's birth and for allowing me a space to share my story of Logan.
    I don't think I have taken a breath that I have not thought of my gorgeous little boy and I miss him more that mere words could ever say.
    Today, tomorrow, always.

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  22. You are not alone, my God bless you all. I'M A PROUD GRANDMA OF JEREMIAH BLUE entered the world November 28 2013 thanksgiving day. Continue to trust God. Jeremiah was born 5 weeks from his due date, I have realize that God has little perfect angel your babies have no sin.

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  23. You all are so strong and I envy your strength. These stories bring me down to my knees, I felt your words jump off the screen and can only imagine the pain in your heart and the hole in your soul. I'm so incredibly sorry for all of you parents who've endured a loss. May all your Angels rest in peace xo

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  24. I lost my mom, so I know how it feels to loose someone you truly love. Nora sounds like a beautiful baby girl, and I am sorry that she had to pass. You are amazing and make me feel better about my loss. I hope I make you feel better. xoxo, God bless you and blood doesn't make up a family, it's love that does.

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  25. I lost my little angel Victoria May 8th 2013.Losing a child is the worst pain ever! All your hopes and dreams for them are gone. I cry everyday still.I always have in my mind what milestones she would be doing now.I pray for peace not just for me but for everyone who is going through this tragedy.

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  26. This is one of the most heartbreaking yet beautiful things I have ever read. Your husband's love for you during such a time of loss, such beauty and such loss, sobbing for you.

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  28. I'm sorry to say but I can't believe you're a therapist because you sound so immature in your writing. You also sound very selfish....
    "You already told me my baby is dead, why do I have to suffer the emotional and physical pain of delivering her. Do something!!! Be useful, I was thinking. You couldn’t save my baby, but maybe you could save me some pain and suffering."

    "Am I going to be ok".


    Are you really serious? these are the selfish thoughts going through your head? I feel for what happened to your child, but you sound just like another typical internet attention whore looking for sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How is she being selfish? Youve not been through the situation to know what it feels like to be in that boat. This is exactly what my sister said too. She loved her baby like every mother does. But the doctors couldnt save the baby. But made my sister go into 3 days of labour. 3 days of labour for her to deliver a baby who had passed away inside. She was heartbroken to hear her baby had passed away. she felt weak and tired and had no energy to deliver.

      Delete
    2. How can you say something like that and not feel like a terrible, terrible person? Clearly Lindsey meant that she couldn't imagine going through the pain of a delivery on top of knowing that she would be delivering her stillborn daughter.

      It amazes me that people can be so heartless..

      Lindsey, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your husband can find some comfort in knowing that your daughter is always watching over you.

      Delete
  29. Dear Nora's mum and dad
    Thankyou for sharing your sorrowful and brave story with us. My sister in law recently gave birth to a beautiful stillborn baby girl at 40 weeks and seven days overdue. What started out to be a normal labour at the end of which the parents should have taken home their first child conceived after many years of trying, turned out to be one of the worst days of their lives. The emotions starting from being told that there is no heart beat to delivering the baby, you have described so well. They are still grieving, with me and all their close relatives and friends. I hope that time will heal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am really sorry to hear this. My sister has also had a stillbirth recently. Its heartbreaking.

      Delete
  30. I had a stillbirth in November of 2013.
    I still cannot comprehend it, and wish I was with my daughter in heaven,
    since she was all I have ever had. I had the support of a few friends but that was
    all. You are a lucky lady to have a loving husband be there for you through it all.
    I know everyone mourns differently, but I have always wondered, how parents make
    room in their hearts for future children? I feel like since life was supposed to be for me and my daughter only, I have a hard time ever letting another man into my life, let alone future children.
    I sound selfish saying that, but it's hard, it really is.
    Any thoughts?

    God bless you and your family, you have beautiful daughters by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  31. My heart goes out to you and your family. My husband and I lost our beautiful baby girl Carleigh on 1-4-15 at 40 weeks 4 days as well. Carleigh had always been active my entire pregnancy. My whole pregnancy was nearly perfect minus raging heartburn and rib pain from her kicking. The friday before we went tothe hospital I noticed her stop moving all together. I tried everything in my power to spark some form of movement and got nothing. We went to the hospital the next morning and when they did the ultrasound there was no heartbeat. She was gone. My perfect baby girl was silent without any cause. Carleigh Ann was born on 1-4-15 @ 1:27am after pushing for less than thirty minutes. She weighed 8lbs 1oz and was 22in long. She was absolutely beautiful with her dark hair and chubby cheeks. It was the best and worst day of my life. I find comfort in reading stories like yours knowing that there are others out there that have been through this. I pray everyday for comfort and healing and strength through this because I feel so empty. To carry a beautiful child for 9 months only to come home to an empty crib and empty arms is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your story. Yours is the one I keep going back to because I feel a connection with how similar our stories are. God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thank you for sharing the story about your beautiful baby girl Nora.
    xx

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  33. I lost my first baby on Dec 26th 2010 - it hurts just as much today as it did then. I just keep busy - the busier the better. These moments are hard, when I wonder about her & go through the whole experience in my mind all over again. Then reach out to the stories others have like Nora's trying to remember I didn't do anything wrong, trying to convince myself that it's not to punish me. I'm very lucky now though, I now have two beautiful healthy boys, and I do not take any moment - not one for granted. Being pregnant with them was hell - waiting for the movements, heartbeats, nods and smiles from nurses, doctors - oh God was that hard. Waiting for those boys after loosing my daughter at 41 weeks. Love to all those and Nora's mom & dad who have lost such beautiful babies. You will see them again, just not as you know this world

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  35. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My older sister Henna was born with Anencephaly, and even thought I never met her, I went through immense amounts of pain over her loss last year. I am so honored to have read your story and your strength has inspired me so much.

    ReplyDelete

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