Friday, December 20, 2013

Knocked Up Blogger Post: Week 22 Reassurance

This past week was a rough one!  I needed A LOT of reassurance.  Read all about it in my Knocked Up Blogger Post for Week 22 through Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine by clicking here.

This past week was a rough one for me. I had a lot of digestive issues that led to an upset stomach over the past weekend, and then on Tuesday my stomach issues developed into belly cramps. I called the nurse line on Tuesday night, after clinic hours and asked what I should do, as I could not tell the difference between just belly cramps or preterm labor. So, the nurse had me come into the hospital for a routine check. My anxiety was high, but I went anyway.
We got to the hospital, and after some monitoring of baby’s heartbeat and monitoring for contractions, we learned that everything was fine with baby and with me. I was not having preterm labor. Rather, the doctor explained that I probably have irritable bowel syndrome. After hearing that, a part of me felt foolish, I felt like I had wasted the good doctors and nurses’ time with my silly fears that turned out to be nothing. I voiced this concern to the doctor and found myself apologizing over and over again for coming in.
Finally, the doctor said something to this effect, “After what has happened to you, it is normal to be concerned. It’s normal to want to be reassured and we can do that. Even if you had never experienced a pregnancy loss, it’s STILL normal for a pregnant woman to need reassurance. If you need to come back 20 more times before the end of your pregnancy, you can. That’s what we are here for.” The beautiful doctor leaned in and gave me a hug and after hearing her words of permission to not “be okay” all the time, to not have to be “strong” every minute, tears began to fall as she embraced me with genuine concern. Nick even told me later as we drove home in the car that he got misty eyed seeing the doctor give me a hug. A big, compassionate, what I needed in that moment, long hug; writing about it now still makes me tear up.
The lesson I have learned is that it is okay to not be okay during a pregnancy after a loss. I don’t always have to be strong and hold in my feelings that I am scared to death, that each day is filled with anxiety and fear, and that I can rely on others to help provide a moment of reassurance that I am doing the best I can with what I have. With reassurance that it’s okay to not be okay.


  1. During my pregnancy after I lost my Norah, I went into the hospital once and the office for an extra nerve calming visit twice. The last 5 weeks, I had a weekly nonstress test and was induced at 39 weeks. My doctor was wonderful about taking extra care of me and my completely normal anxieties. I'm glad baby girl is good. My hospital visit was in December, about a week and a half before the one year anniversary of Norah's death. It's completely normal and understandable to feel how you do.
    Much love to your beautiful family of four!
    Love, Cori

  2. That doctor is an angel! I'm glad she was on so she could reassure you like that xxx Hope your IBS is sorting itself out too xxx

  3. I had several moments like that during my pregnancy after my full term stillbirth. My dr was wonderful about extra ultrasounds, weekly non-stress tests, and just frantic calls of "is this normal?". it sounds like you have an amazing doctor too! One that truly understands the rollercoaster you're on. :)

    1. Yes. My doctor is great. Thanks for normalizing my experience for me by letting me know you have been there.


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