Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Meaning of Stillborn…

Merriam-Webster dictionary definition: 1) dead from birth. 2) failing from the start.  

My definition: 1) my worst nightmare come true. 2) pain and suffering. 3) lifeless; quiet, eerie, no sound, no crying, no screaming.

Oh how I wanted screaming, and tears, and movement. Oh what I would have given for movement. A blink of her eyes. The shaking of her cold body as it received its first brush of the harsh but comforting air of this world. The only sound in my delivery room was silence.  I was still in shock.  My tears where not there yet.  It wasn’t real.  It wasn’t real until I saw her, held her in my arms upon my chest.  She was cold.  Her lips were blue.  Her eyes were closed.  Did I mention her skin was cold?  Her body was lifeless, still. But stillborn. 

4) unfair.

Stillborn... 5) this is where my grief begins...

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