· I can’t be sad all the time. I feel that people expect me to. People, who know, look at me when I laugh, and I wonder if they think I am being cruel that I am not showing my grieving every moment of everyday. I don’t think people understand that the love for my daughter and the loss I feel for her, I carry with me every second of everyday. I can feel her. I can feel her presence and I can feel her absence.
But I can’t be sad all the time. It hurts too much. I welcome happiness, it need it now more than ever. It’s not pure joy anymore. I believe that happiness and sadness can live inside each other. It is as if one cannot exist without the other. Two opposites puzzle pieces needing each other to create the larger picture and experience it in all its glory. But my sadness isn’t your typical sadness; it’s beautiful because it grew from love. Its grief and grief is pain born out of love.