· I can’t be sad all the time. I feel that people expect me to. People, who know, look at me when I laugh, and I wonder if they think I am being cruel that I am not showing my grieving every moment of everyday. I don’t think people understand that the love for my daughter and the loss I feel for her, I carry with me every second of everyday. I can feel her. I can feel her presence and I can feel her absence.
But I can’t be sad all the time. It hurts too much. I welcome happiness, it need it now more than ever. It’s not pure joy anymore. I believe that happiness and sadness can live inside each other. It is as if one cannot exist without the other. Two opposites puzzle pieces needing each other to create the larger picture and experience it in all its glory. But my sadness isn’t your typical sadness; it’s beautiful because it grew from love. Its grief and grief is pain born out of love.
Thank you Lindsey. I've been reading & reading your writings since last night. We do not share similar stories at all, however, your words have touched me tremendously.
ReplyDeleteI lost my "baby" sister last September. She is my only sister. I was 14 when she was born, so we shared a different sisterly bond than normal sisters. She passed 3 weeks short of her sweet 16.
The grief from her passing is something I can never put in spoken or written words. But when I read your words, it's like reading what I've so desperately been trying to convey the last 9 months.
Thank you. Thank you for being strong enough AND brave enough to share all your thoughts and raw emotions with the world! You are continuing to help strangers in ways I'm sure you will never know! Thank you.
Sheena Grigsby
Tinker AFB, OK.