I planned for...I got

I Planned For...I Got.

I planned for mommy groups.

I got baby loss support groups.

I scheduled for bring your baby to yoga classes.

I got unpack your grief yoga workshops.
  
I hoped for new mommy friends.

I got new mommy friends with dead babies like me.  

I thought I would get congratulations cards with balloons.

I got condolence cards with sympathy, of course.

I bought diapers, that I won't open.  

I have ovulation tests, that I dread having to use.

I saw play dates in my future.

I now have graveyard visits.  

I prepared for breastfeeding.

I got engorged breasts instead.  

I was dreading sleepless nights.

I get to hide away and sleep all day.  

I waited for walks with the stroller through the park.

I get walks with grief instead.  

I pictured putting her down for naps.

I get restless nights forever.  

I dreamed of holding her in my arms.

Instead, I get to hold her only in my heart.

Meditating on Grief

I breathe in grief... I breathe out pain

I breathe in pain... I breathe out tears

I breathe out tears... I breathe in sorrow

I breathe out sorrow... I breathe in the darkness

I breathe in the darkness... I breathe out light

I breathe in light... I breathe out love

I breathe out love ... I breathe in peace

I breathe out peace ...  I breathe in acceptance

I breathe out acceptance... I breathe in grief ...

And that's okay because I can breathe it out again

Transformed by Grief - My Poetry Published on 'Loss Through the Looking Glass'

©Priya Saihgal

Transformed By Grief

I have evolved. 

My grief has transformed me.

Like a caterpillar I have become a butterfly......

(Click on the link to read the rest of the poem at Loss Through the Looking Glass) 

To see more of my friend Priya’s Saihgal’s photography please visit her Flickr page here.