Showing posts with label April. Show all posts
Showing posts with label April. Show all posts

Friday, May 3, 2013

Grief Project - Yoga and Grief



“Your body is precious.  It is your vehicle for awakening.  Treat it with care.” - Buddha


As I sunk into my savasana, or corpse, pose on my mat in the yoga studio I began to weep silent tears.  The only sound in the studio were my sniffles that echoed off the bare walls. Grief had been living in my body not only as an emotional entity but it had manifested itself as physical pain.  But, in that moment when I succumbed to the whole mess of grief, the physical pain of my sorrow had lifted and a part of me that words can not describe opened up, released, and unionized within my being.  The practice had eased my suffering without words, without instructions.  It was as if my body knew how to heal itself.  I felt relief.  I felt loss.  I felt great love.

Yoga in Sanskrit means union, oneness of body and soul.  That is what happened for me on my mat that night. Yoga merged my emotional and physical sensations into one.  It aligned my mind, body, and spirit. Yoga has been a powerful healing technique for over three thousand years.  Recently, science has studied the benefits of yoga practice and have found that it holds great physiological and psychological benefits including reducing the symptoms of stress, depression, and anxiety, as well as improving physical health. 

Yoga is now being used as a complementary tool in healing grief.  Yoga teachers and practitioners actually recommend specific yoga poses for relief and release of grief.  Karla Helbert, LPC, writes in about this in her article, Yoga for Grief & Loss.  She recommends heart opening poses such as Cat/Cow, Cobra, Camel Pose, and Sun Salutations to name a few.  She states that these poses open the chest and the energy around it allowing grief to be expressed and released.  This is what I experienced during my restorative therapy sessions.

Don’t just take my word on yoga’s healing capabilities, other grieving mothers have found it helpful too. In the book, There Was Supposed to Be a Baby: a Guide to Healing after Pregnancy Loss, Catherine Noblitt Keating, discussed how her daily yoga practice helped her heal her grief after a miscarriage.  She goes on to state that, “To practice yoga is to learn to quiet the mind, to allow the heart to find peace within, and to train the body to work most effectively.” Catherine swears that her yoga practice was one of the fundamental healing blocks in quieting her grief after pregnancy loss.    

Before I entered the studio that day, grief felt as if it was a growing tumor in my body.  It was heavy, tight, and aching. Grief felt as if it was holding me down against my will, submerged in a pool of pain, where I was drowning.   But when I left the mat that night, something shifted, moved, and settled.  My body felt different.  I felt different.  It's as if I became one body, mind, and spirit with all of my messy emotions, with grief, with love, with sorrow.  And all without saying a word.

If you would like to start your own yoga practice but don’t know where to begin I would recommend finding a yoga studio or class in your area.  Most studios offer specific classes on addressing issues of grief and loss. Even if they don’t, look for restorative classes such as Yoga Nidra or Yin Yoga. 


Resources:
There Was Supposed To Be A Baby, by Catherin Noblitt Keating

De-Griefing, website by founder of De-griefing Lyn Prashant.  A practice of intergrating psychotherapy and complementary healing practices such as yoga to ease grief.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

A Grief Meditation for Parents Grieving the Loss of Their Baby

This week I have been featured as an "Inspirational Mama" on Beautifully Bohemian Blog.  Check it out by clicking on the button below here:



Now back to the theme of the week - Meditation

During my month of mediation I have tried multiple different guided meditations online.  I have found some I really like and some that I don't find fitting.  I have yet to find one that truly relates to my situation of grieving the loss of an infant or unborn child.  Sometimes in the meditations I do like the guide will ask the mediator to think of happy memories of your deceased loved one in order to bring comfort to you.  I understand that this part of the exercise is supposed to bring healing, but for me it is painful because part of my grief is not having many memories with my child.

Meditations that bring up pain are okay, as in meditations you are supposed to sit with whatever emotions arises, but I thought grieving parents of baby loss like myself might need a more focused guided mediation specifically that relates to the situation we, as grieving baby lost parents, are experiencing.  If mediating on grief works for you, please feel free to try the guided meditation below.  If you would like to meditate to the audio version please click on the link at the bottom of the page.

Namaste (The Light in Me Greats the Light in You),

~Still Breathing...Lindsey   

********

A Grief Mediation for Parents Grieving the Loss of Their Baby

Sit in a comfortable position or lie on the floor.  Take a few deep breaths and release. On the exhale release the thoughts and feelings from the day.  As you do this, let the muscles in your neck relax, your shoulders drop, your face soften, letting tension you are holding in different parts of your body go.  Feel yourself lighten as you continue to focus on your breath.   As you inhale through your nose bring the breath deep into your belly, filling it with air like a balloon and then slowly exhale through your mouth. Fall into a rhythm with your breathing.  Breathing comfortably, at your own pace, and in your own time.

As you breath and feel comfortable in this space, begin to let whatever emotions arise come and go.  Accepting that they are there, noticing them, and then releasing them.  Letting go of judgement of your thoughts.  Just accepting them as they are and letting them pass.  Now, when you are ready, invite grief in.  Notice what emotions arise as you summon up grief.  Grief can bring up many emotions.  Emotions of love.  Emotions of loss.  Emotions of sadness.  Emotions of happiness.  Let them all arise.  Sit with them.  Accept them. Ask them what they have to teach you. And then let them pass, when they are ready to be released.

Now imagine your child.  Hold your child.  Spend time with your precious baby here.  Caress their hair.  Take in his smile.  Look into her eyes.  Listen to their giggles.  Embrace the feelings you are having with your child in this moment.  Let them come and enjoy this moment with your child.  If you would like, tell your baby all the blessings they have brought into your life.  You can share with them all the love you have for them in your heart.  Listen closely to your child, they will reassure you they already know the depths of your love.  They will reassure you of their safety and that all is right with the universe. They will tell you that you are forgiven by them as there is nothing to be forgiven for. They will tell you that they hope you can find peace as they will let you know they already are at peace.

Spend as much time with your child in this place and moment as you like.  Connecting with the spirit of your child.  Softening some of your grief by accepting its presence.  Making peace with your emotions.  Healing your body and soul.

When you are ready slowly bring yourself back to the present moment.  Remembering that this time with your child is always available to you.  You can visit your child in this place whenever you like.  Until you greet them again, remember what your baby has taught you.  Remember that your baby is at peace and hopes that you find peace within your grieving heart too.

********
It maybe easier to listen to this mediation in audio format.  To do so please visit the YouTube audio mediation of this script by clicking on the picture below.


  

 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Meditating on Grief

I breathe in grief... I breathe out pain

I breathe in pain... I breathe out tears

I breathe out tears... I breathe in sorrow

I breathe out sorrow... I breathe in the darkness

I breathe in the darkness... I breathe out light

I breathe in light... I breathe out love

I breathe out love ... I breathe in peace

I breathe out peace ...  I breathe in acceptance

I breathe out acceptance... I breathe in grief ...

And that's okay because I can breathe it out again

Friday, April 12, 2013

Grief Project - Create a Place of Refuge

"Sanctuary on a personal level, is where we preform the job of taking care of the soul." 
~ Christopher Forrest McDowell  

Looking back now I realize that without knowing it, as a school aged child I had many "areas of refuge" in my life.  Growing up we lived outside of town in the country.  Our house was on four acres of land surrounded by cornfields and woods.  When I was 10 years old I used to cross the country road in front of our home and go for long walks in the forest there.  Here I would day dream, take in nature, and contemplate life with a child's mind.  I continued to find and "create areas of refuge" as I got older.  As a teenager in the summer I would climb out my bedroom window onto the roof that over-hanged the garage.  From time to time I would go up there to read, journal, or just take in the wonders of the world.  As I've become an adult, and now live in a large city, I believe I have forgotten the importance of finding and spending time in such areas of refuge.

In Healing Your Grieving Heart, Wolfet and Maloney discuss the importance of creating a personal sanctuary and state that, "you need a private territory where you can explore self-development and spiritual practices as well as read insightful books, meditate, journal, or simply contemplate the universe."  All these tasks are essential for the grieving process to unfold properly and do its healing work. 

So for the month of April I decided to find and create the sacred place in my life, that I did so naturally as a child.  I decided to use Nora's room, and one afternoon after work I rearranged her nursery.   I choose her room for many reasons, because I loved the light that flows through the room, because of the healing color of the green walls that induce feelings of relaxation and calm within me, the white decal birch trees that Nick and I so lovingly placed on the walls brings nature indoors and connects me back to my roots in nature.  The final reason I chose it was because I had spent so much time lovingly preparing her room for her that I just needed it to be used for some kind of growth.  I guess it will be used for my growth now instead of hers.  Now I go to Nora's room as not a place of mourning, although that does happen, but a place to explore my truest self.  I sit in here to meditate, to reflect on my grief.  Sometimes I write in here as well.  I found this place calming and soothing. 



The important part of this place wasn't as much about the physical place as it was about the place it took me inside my head.  In The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin talks about "finding a place of refuge". But she means within yourself, with your thoughts, and this is the place I found most like a sanctuary.  Inside my head it was a dream land, a fairytale place where Nora lived and we were together.  Sometimes she didn't even live, but we were together in some other way, I could feel her, and that was enough.  It was easy to create "a place of refuge" in my mind with the help of a guided visualization I would use called "A Place of Refuge a Visualization."  Other times I did not even need a prompt to help create my safe place, because it just naturally arose.  It felt peaceful. It was safe.  It was always with me.  I could carry it where ever I was because it was within me and I could find visit whenever I needed.   

I once heard a story about a POW who, in order to survive the torture of solitude from being held captive during war, played a golf game on his favorite course over and over again in his mind.  He did this so much that when he was released from capture and finally played that course again he still shot par.  Our mind and surroundings are powerful influences and tools in our healing, if we use them wisely we can use them to create a sense of peace.

Resources:

A Place of Refuge a Visualization


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

A Place of Refuge - Visualization

In my month of mindfully grieving I have found meditation and visualizations technique very healing.  I often meditate to YouTube guided meditations and visualizations.  However, sometimes I find that the grieving meditations on YouTube don't fit my needs for grieving a child I did not know outside of the womb.  So in the next few weeks I will be starting to make my own guided meditations and put them on YouTube specifically for parents who are grieving over pregnancy and infant loss. 

Today I am sharing my adaptive version of a visualization I use at work with my clients.  I have found this meditation helpful in creating a place of refuge.  When I set out to create a place of refuge this month, I thought I needed to create an actual physical space, but after re-reading The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin describes her place of refuge as a place within her mind, that she can create, and always visit.  So today I leave you with a guided meditation called A Place of Refuge.  In a few days I will post an audio version.  Enjoy.

******************
A Place of Refuge - Visualization    

Sitting in a relaxed comfortable position.  Put both feet firmly on the floor or lie on your back.  Begin by taking a few deep breaths to calm your body and mind.  Focus on your breath and let it fall into it's natural rhythm.  Use your breath to bring you to the present moment.  In this moment, release the tension in your muscles, letting your shoulders drop and your face soften.

Now begin to visualize a place or space where you can be at peace.  You can imagine a familiar place or you can create a new one.  This is your unique space.  A space for healing.  A space for calm.  This place of refuge could be a sandy beach, a path deep within the woods, a quiet library, a large sitting room with a fireplace, or a relaxing bathtub.  Whatever place or space you create is fine, as long as it is a healing place.  A place for relaxation and rejuvenation.  This is your safe place.  Your place of refuge.  Your sancutuary.

As you imagine your place of refuge, enter into your sanctuary with your entire being.  Choose to take a seat in your space, or stand there, or explore it.  Look around and take in every detail.  You do not need to create the details of this place.  They are already there: allow them to come into focus in your mind.

Notice the sites (the trees, the sand, the books, the flames, the bubbles).  Begin to notice the sounds (the waves crashing against the shore, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees, the crackling of the fire, the rushing sound of the water from the faucet in the bathtub).  Notice the smells (the salt of the ocean, the rustic smoke of the fire, the fragrance of the flowers, the aroma of the soap, the crisp smell of old books).  Imagine touching the objects in this space.  Feel (the sand between your toes, the water soaking into your skin, the softness of the couch, or the feel of the grass under your feet).  Simply enjoy your place of refuge as long as you want allowing it to become more tangible and develop beyond what you initially noticed.

If you would like, invite your loved one you are missing into this space with you.  Spend time with them here if you like or use this space to be alone.  Remember you carry this place of refuge inside of you.  You carry it wherever you go.  Your sanctuary is unique and personal.  It will reflect who you are as a person.  This is your place.  Your safe space.  Your place of refuge.  This is your place to heal.

Adapted from www.mindfulnessinfo.com/exercise-6-visualization   

            

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

My Guest House

Overwhelming emotions, that is what happened.  I think?

I haven’t cried in about a week.  Then today, I was feeling really happy, productive, even excited.  I was excited about a new challenge I had been given at work.  I went and talked to my supervisor about it and then right afterwards, when I was alone in my office, I could feel that I was just going to start crying.  And I did. 

I could feel it coming.  The warming of my neck and then my face, the surge inside of me that moves my tears to flow from my eyes.  Then the drops of saline started streaming down my face and I didn’t know why.  And I decided just to let it come.  I sat there, staring out the window of my office at the beautiful St. Mary’s Cemetery across the street.  The cemetery didn’t make me more sad, it actual brought me peace, as if my emotions and my reality were in line with each other.  Even though Nora is not buried there, the serenity of it, the finality, made me realize that my heartache was because of a tangible loss.  My pain was real and for a very real reason.

After sitting with the emotion.  Allowing it to come, over take me, and then slowly leave, I sat there wondering what had just happened.  Just before my crying spell I was in a state of happiness, I was content, even excited, why did I cry?  Then I realized that maybe the opposite emotion of happiness had triggered my suppressed feelings of grief that I did not realize were boiling up.  I have heard of this happening before, I have seen it happen with clients of mine in therapy, but I had never experienced it myself.  I found it confusing and frustrating.

But after realizing what was taking place inside of my body and in my heart, I let sadness wash over me again, I decided to let it be.  Let the tears come.  Let the sadness flood me, roll through my body and out through my tear ducts.  I sat with it.  I felt it. I let sadness have its place and time within my being.  

Apparently my sadness needed more recognition, more space within my bodily house, so I cleared off the couch in my heart, made the bed in my being, and invited sadness to stay for awhile.  It seems that this was just what sadness needed because it only stayed for a minute or two.  I had listened to it. I acknowledged sadness’ voice like a parent would a frustrated child or teenager, and in doing so, it went away, as quick as it had come.  Out of nowhere, sadness was gone.

There is a Rumi poem I often use in therapy with clients about the purpose of emotions and the importance of accepting them instead of pushing them away.  It’s called the Guest House, and it describes exactly what happened to me.  

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even it they’re a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of it’s furniture,,
Still treat each quest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.

~Rumi

I guess it was just my turn to open up my house to sadness.  

May I continue to welcome my guests, but like the loving company of family or friends, I hope at some point they, too, leave.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Grief Project April - Sitting With Grief

"Have you tired relaxation techniques?" is what my doctor said as I sat on the crinkly paper spread over the exam table.  As she said this I smiled, while giving a her a look of, "Are you kidding?"  I had come in to see her that day due to the headaches I was having ever since I started back to work six weeks after Nora died.  I couldn't believe relaxation techniques were her answer as I was there expecting some more bad news like a brain tumor or something else tragic; since such had been my life lately.

When I asked her, "Are you sure I don't have a brain tumor?" in a humorous yet completely serious way (I am a hypochondriac, self-diagnosed of course, like all hypochondriacs).  She replied with, "You have been through a lot.  This is anxiety and stress."  I breathed a sigh of relief and agreed with her completely.  I mean, I do clench my jaw at night while I am stressed, and during graduate school my dentist suggested a mouth guard at night, but after wearing head gear in high school, I have had enough of that silly stuff.  I decided I would just manage my stress, anxiety, and headaches on my own.  I could deal with this, after all, I had already been through so much in my grief, what was a little extra stress and anxiety in the grand scheme of things?

My doctor's appointment was in mid-March and as I went through the weeks I realized that my stress was not fading and decided that my month of dedication to meditation, mindfulness techniques, and yoga was probably just what I needed.  I have been so busy the last two months preparing to run a half marathon in April and May, getting back into the swing of things at work, and making healing connections with others as part of my grief project, I had forgotten the importance of slowing down in order to heal.

So this month I will get back in touch with my emotions surrounding grief by taking time out to really sit with it.  For the month of April I will "sit with my grief," which will entail setting aside time to practice mediation daily, engage in yoga exercises twice a week, and find and create a healing place of refuge where I will meet my grief and explore it on a deeper, more intimate level with myself.

Once again, as part of My Grief Project, I will update you each Friday during the month about my experience with using these specific healing techniques and how they help in healing the grief after child and pregnancy loss. My journey using these healing techniques will be as follows:

  •  April 6th -12th - Find A Place of Refuge
  • April 13th - 19th - Yoga & Grief
  • April 20th - 26th - Meditation - Sitting with Grief

I look forward to taking the time this month to slow down and take a seat with my new companion, Grief.   I'm sure on our travels together we will find out a lot about each other.

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."  ~Kenji Miyazawa

~Still Breathing...Lindsey
   

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Healing Your Grieving Heart Check List

I recently read Healing Your Grieving Heart After Stillbirth: 100 Practical Ideas for Parents and Families, by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D. and Raelynn Maloney, PH.D and found it to be an extremely helpful resource in finding little ways each day I could remember Nora and heal along the way.





I have created a healing check list based on the ideas in this book to assist me in healing by taking pictures of the 100 practical ideas I use in the book and then posting that picture on Instagram along with writing a little bit about that idea with my posted picture.  If you are interested, follow me on Instagram and you will see the 100 practical ideas to heal my grieving heart I have used that day or over the week.  You can find a link to my Instagram account on the side bar of this blog or you can find me on Instagram @ STILLBREATHINGLINDSEY.

Some of the 100 practical healing ideas I post relate to the healing theme for the month I am using, others do not, but you can see when I used one by checking out my page on this blog called "Healing Your Grieving Heart Check List," where I cross off the ideas I have used and include the date of using it.  If you like this idea, feel free to do so on your blog or on Instagram.  Be sure to label your Instagram pics as #100waysofhealing to add to mine.  That way we can see the different ways people use this book to help them heal and learn something from each other along the way.

Below are some of the photos I have taken of my different 100 practical ideas I have used to aid in healing the past month.

 #12 Be Compassionate With Your Partner




#73 Ground Your Thoughts With A Touchstone





 #26 Wear a Symbol of Mourning





 
#34 Expect Whirlwind Emotions




#45 Use Your Baby's Name



 
 #66 Access Good Support Online




 #78 Publish Your Words


~Still Breathing...Lindsey

 
Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved